Anywhere but Here (part 1)

     I should have blown my brains out when I had the chance.  Nothing made much sense anymore, not that it had to and not that I cared anyway.  I sat naked on the edge of my bed, my bed sheet still partially covering my thigh.  I stared at the window blinds or rather I stared at the light of morning as it illuminated behind them casting an illusion of pale blue prison bars.  I was transfixed on the glow of my prison for some time when Jamison pressed his cold wet nose to my forearm. 

           I adopted Jamison from a boxer rescue.  Someone thought he was a sorry excuse for a dog and dumped him.  To me, he was gentle as a church mouse and just about the only thing I care about.  I stroked his head and gave him a good scratch around his ribs.  I stood up and pulled on my jeans.  Still fastening the belt I walked to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee.  I filled Jamison’s bowl with fresh kibble before making my way to the bathroom.  I brushed my teeth and stood looking at myself looking at me in the mirror.  The life I knew was quickly becoming a faded memory and I tried for months to remember who I used to be.  I swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and began lathering for a shave.

     I spent much of the morning on the balcony of my apartment silently watching traffic and drinking coffee.  Jamison lay on the cool concrete sunning himself.  A breeze blew in, warm and gentle.  I left the dog to nap alone.  I walked across the street to the mini-mart.  Seated outside was an older looking Mexican man.  His navy blue canvas pants and light gray sweat shirt were dirty and covered with paint smears and spatter.  He was eating a soggy pre-packaged sandwich.  Crumbs clung to his oversized moustache like lint to Velcro.

     Inside a bell rang as I walked through the door.  The store smelled like stale bread.  It was heavy and thick, and choked me with every breath.  It’s curious the way small convenience stores all smell this way.  I looked around at half-empty shelves and try not to breathe too deeply.  The only thing they kept well stocked was the thirteen racks of malt liquor.  A reddish brown cockroach, three inches long, scuttled along the baseboards near my feet. 

     The bells rang again as two men walked into the store.  I turned and looked briefly.  From my vantage point at the back of the store it was difficult to see them.  I could tell one was taller than the other and they were talking to the clerk.  I couldn’t decipher what was said but a few moments later the store was quiet again.  I grabbed a six pack of beer from the cooler and a bag of corn chips as I made my way to the cash register. 

     I set the chips and beer on the counter and looked around.  The clerk and the two men were gone.  A small radio played Arab music and a cigarette rested quietly in an ashtray sending a slender stream of tobacco smoke into the air.  I waited patiently but no one came.  A door to the right of the counter was partially ajar and lead to what I assumed was an office. 

     “Hello?” I said in the direction of the door.  A shadow moved across the door from inside the little room.

     “Hey! I am ready to go.” I raised my voice a little louder. I heard a shuffle and something metal hit the bare tile file.

     “Hello? Are you ok? I said I am ready to pay.” I stepped to the door.  I gently opened the white door to get a better look.  Before I could get the door open far enough to see inside I heard the unmistakable, POP!

     My heart jammed itself firmly into my neck and I jumped away from the door.  In doing so I stumbled over my own feet and crashed into the locked glass case the house small bottles of cheep liquor, cigarettes, and condoms.  I landed face down on the floor as glass and liquor rained down.  My face, hands, and arms shredded like paper and the spilled alcohol quickly burned into the open wounds.

     I pushed myself up.  I turned over and looked up at two men, one taller than the other.  Their eyes were cold and dark.  The taller man held tight to a silver hand gun.  Not a word was spoken.  I looked up at them in terror.  I watched, motionless, as the smaller of the two lifted his tan boot and my mind went black.